She Doesn’t Mind

I’ve been doing a lot of dancing lately to this song:

Hands up high, we burning up the sky
We got the dance all crazy, got the club on fire
I like the way you dance, you got me in a trance
My baby she don’t mind at all…

Girl I got you so high, and I know you like,
So come and push it on me, if it feels alright,
When you drop it low, and break me off,
No, she doesn’t mind (aight)
She doesn’t mind (aight)
She doesn’t mind.

Now, while dancing isn’t quite equivalent to sleeping with someone, I think it is worth noting that the kind of dancing many Caribbean people do is rather suggestive. In fact, an island friend told me last night that he once had someone warn him that he might face sexual assault charges for dancing with a girl at a bar one night. The girl, who he’d just met, was from the Caribbean as well, and had suggested that she and my friend “show them how it’s done” in the Caribbean.

If a Jamaican man like Sean Paul has a baby who doesn’t mind him letting another girl push it up on him, I’d say that’s pretty open-minded and on the road to compersion. I’m not going to say that his baby must be okay with the idea of an open relationship or polyamory, but given that there are some people who’d be irked if their partner even danced tamely with someone else, hey, the song makes me happy.

Why Am I Blogging This?

Why blatantly stick my name and photo next to views which are clearly controversial, and then also go the extra mile of sharing each post on my Facebook to make sure that people who know me, find me, and read my thoughts? Why take it upon myself to “educate,” when there’s no guarantee that anyone will agree or even bother to read?

Plenty of people “just do” polyamory, nonmonogamy, ethical sluttery, etc. without calling it those names (sometimes calling it other things, like “open relationship” or, though it’s not polyamory, “swinging”). I’ve met them. They’re happy. They don’t feel the need to get involved in this “movement;” many don’t have time (can you blame them, when they have more than one relationship to maintain?). Why, then, having met these people and seen the fulfilled happy lives they lead, do I feel compelled to spend time on here, posting and researching and commenting, yammering on rather than being out in the world living and loving?

Well, first of all, because I’m a blogging nerd. There are other reasons, though.

“Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you’re right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth.”

-Ghandi

I don’t think that monogamy is “wrong”. If you’ve examined your heart and find that you are the kind of person who prefers to be in love with just one person at a time, that is a beautiful thing. It is no more or less beautiful than someone who has examined their heart and realized that they can be in love with more than one person at a time, or who has decided that, while they may only be in love with one person, they can accept sexual relationships with others, knowing that it doesn’t affect their love.

My issue is with the idea of monogamy being the “norm,” and everything else being “weird” or “wrong”. Nonmonogamy might be a deviation from societal norms, but it certainly isn’t wrong, and most definitely isn’t weird. Humans have never, as a species, truly been monogamous.

All I really want is to give people the chance to consider nonmonogamy; a chance they would not have had otherwise. It’s like deciding whether you want a Mac or a PC. If you never knew that Macs existed, you’d just default to PC, because it’s what you know exists. Friends! I present to you…the Mac. Nonmonogamy. Check it out. Some of you won’t like it, and that’s fine, but others will, and that’s fine, too.

. . .

As I’ve gotten busier, I’ve been posting less. When I leave March 12 for a job stateside, that will probably be even more true.

I don’t, however, want to stop updating. Not at all. This blog is too important to me, for many other reasons besides that stated above, such as:

– it motivates me to keep working on my novel,

– the fact that this blog, and my “About” page, have been my official and final “coming out” to friends and family who didn’t know this part of my life (yeah, I might have been one of those kids who enjoyed shock value),

– the fact that I love writing, and writing about what I love, and writing about love

– and the fact that this stuff is on my mind all the time, and I don’t always have willing listeners around. That sounds bad, but it’s not that I don’t have people to listen to me; it’s that I tend to talk so extensively about this topic, ad naseum, that I’m sure more than a few people who started as “willing listeners” became “obligated listeners.” I’d rather write here and know that my audience can bail at any time, and it won’t hurt my feelings. (Really, you can bail any time now…)

So why am I blogging this? Well, for both selfish reasons and for what I like to think is a more noble cause: giving people the opportunity to see and talk about other possibilities in their love lives. I think if we all started talking more, we’d probably start fighting just a little less.