Take Me Seriously“Do you think anyone will ever take you seriously if you live this way?”

I’ve been asked that a few times in relation to my “lovestyle”. I like to think that yes, I can be taken seriously (in fact, I know that I can be), but the number of times I’ve been asked this sometimes does make me stop and consider the possibility that I’m suffering from some tunnel-vision.

I think that a large number of people can and do have a hard time imagining a “serious” relationship with me. For many, it is because “serious” means sexual monogamy, and if I’m not offering it, then I can’t be serious. Then there are some who don’t mind the sexual nonmonogamy, but they expect emotional monogamy. You know, the whole, “she sleeps with other people but her heart’s all mine,” people out there. That’s fine and dandy if it works for you, but I can’t promise that my heart will be yours all yours and only yours, honey bun. Sorry.

So, what’s left to offer someone who wants something “serious” with me? Honestly, I crave something “serious” just as much as the next person. I’d love to have someone in my life right now to make time for. I’d love to have someone who expects me to make small sacrifices for them. I’d love to have someone who makes me want to work hard and strive to be an even more awesome person. I’d love to have someone to share my travels with, someone to get lost with from time to time, someone to sit around and be honest with, and be honestly in love with.

If those aren’t the desires of someone who wants something serious, then perhaps I need a different word. Fortunately, I’m not so hung up on labels and definitions to spend much time worrying about it. In the meantime, my answer remains: Yes, I do think that the right people can, will, and even DO take me seriously. As seriously as I take them, despite all of their non-normative needs and desires. Because, let’s be fair, there’s hardly a reliable definition of “normative” anyway.

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  1. NormalDeviations

     /  December 31, 2012

    Recently, I’ve thought a lot about similar things. I keep coming back to the ethics of a serious relationship where the “lovestyle” is presented clearly and in a forthright manner; isn’t that part of the package each person has to choose as a make or break factor when committing to a serious relationship? If someone isn’t willing to compromise, isn’t that saying that they put their needs above the relationship? (Within reason, which is another trap…)

    In essence, I believe it boils down to the basics like always: communication and compromise, as well as flexibility. The last one being key because it’s the nature of relationships – what’s unacceptable/acceptable today, may not hold true tomorrow, and may swing back next month or year…

  2. So true, so true.

    I think about the flexibility and compromise thing a lot. I get a lot of people saying, “but we all want to be able to sleep around and have many loves, we sacrifice those things to be in a relationship to prove we’re serious.” Of course, I think to myself, “why sacrifice those specific things?”, but so many people expect those specific sacrifices, so it’s hard to let them see that other things are signs of seriousness, at least in my experience.

  3. I am so thankful for what you write. There is an overbalance in so many areas of love, sex and relationships from both genders which largely refer pretty much back to what NormalDeviations is saying regards communication, compromise and flexibility.

    Case in point, am just watching the ABC series Once Upon A Time and it goes deep as do a lot of the fairy tales into monogamy and love forever blah, blah, blah…

    When will people realise that love is most usually a fleeting thing?
    Sometimes it will be around for years but in other cases it will be momentary and thus is hopefully enjoyed for that short space of time.

    Women I would argue drive the love-mobile more than men and I am not pointing the bone at this gender but god damn I would love to meet more women who are sensible enough to understand that love can be there one moment and gone the next and this whole “theory” that you build love over the course of a relationship just doesn’t wash with me.

    I see too many older couples living together for convenience vice love. Love left them largely years ago and whilst they may still have sex, or maybe not, love just aint there baby.

    Anyway, I have digressed enough. Thanks for presenting your opinion. I am a fan of people who understand that love is free and should be given to as many people as you possibly can over the course of your life.

    • I’m glad you enjoy it. I was actually thinking recently of writing about how some relationships aren’t meant to be just like what we see on tv and in movies. A lot of relationships aren’t meant to last forever, and if they don’t, it doesn’t mean the relationship failed. Thanks for your helpful thoughts on that.


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