On Loving Love and Loving Sex

Sometimes, honesty leads to misunderstanding. Strange world.

To be polyamorous means to be able to be in love with more than one person at a time. To be an ethical slut means to responsibly partake in a promiscuous lifestyle. Both of these are forms of nonmonogamy.

I’m open about the fact that I am both/all of these things, but that’s not always enough. I think people have trouble understanding that being polyamorous and being a slut are, first of all, two different things, but at the same time, that they are also not necessarily mutually exclusive. Polyamory tends to focus on love, emotional attachment, and often romance. Of course, when we love someone, sex often is a part of the relationship (not always, but often). Polyamory is not about no-strings-attached sex; it’s about actual relationships.

Being an ethical slut can be about no-strings attached sex, possibly with many people, but in a responsible way. Safely, between consenting adults who are clear about one another’s intentions and communicate honestly. Sometimes, it’s not no-strings-attached. Sometimes it’s between friends, sometimes people do fall in love. Not always, but sometimes. Believe it or not, sluts can fall in love. Not all sluts can fall in love with more than one person, like a polyamorist, but some can, and that makes them both an ethical slut and a polyamorist.

My point is, being an ethical slut doesn’t “cancel out” anyone’s ability to love or desire to be loved. It also doesn’t mean that an ethical slut only wants friends-with-benefits situations, or any specific kind of situation, for that matter. As with all else in life, everything is dependent upon each individual’s wants and needs. I happen to love love, even though I don’t need it to enjoy a good lay. It could go either way, honestly.

Here’s an example of something that feeds into this issue. I heard a song recently where the female artist proclaimed that ladies should demand respect and not “give it up for free.” I hear songs like this often. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that women only lose with sex, and should receive some kind of payment for giving it away. I didn’t realize that it was a sacrifice to give. Believe it or not, women can actually enjoy sex, and it’s possible to have a pretty even exchange in a sexual encounter without a gentleman having to put some extra sort of effort forward for it.

This idea obviously permeates our culture, which causes misunderstanding when I’m honest about my feelings on sex. Men seem to think, “Nice! What a good deal; I don’t have to pretend to be emotionally invested to get this,” and it’s true, you don’t, but that also doesn’t mean that you should avoid emotional investment if you feel it developing. There’s no reason to fear being in love; love is grand, even if it’s with that slut you’re banging.

Don’t be scared of love, peeps. It’s too awesome to hide from.

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  1. sososo love this.
    “There’s no reason to fear being in love; love is grand, even if it’s with that slut you’re banging.”


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