Will I Ever Marry?

A friend of mine today told me that he couldn’t ever see me getting married.

Despite all of the reading about marriage I’ve been doing lately, and my increasingly ambiguous feelings towards it, I found that the comment surprisingly stung.

Why would it sting, if I think I don’t care much about it?

I think I, like many people, associate marriage with achievement. As someone who thinks of herself as a very loving person, with a fair bit of knowledge about love, sex, and relationships stored up in the cranial cabinet, and a fairly healthy dose of emotional maturity, I tend to think that I’m a pretty good “catch” for the right person(s).

Here in ‘Murica, good catches eventually “win” at love, and when ‘Muricans win at love, they marry. It’s an unfortunate mentality, but a pervasive one, and as someone who loves love (and as a competitive person), I’m having a hard time fighting off the urge to win at love.

But, honestly, love is a win in and of itself. There’s no need to slap the label of “marriage” onto love to make it “more win”, especially since these days, marriage means different things to different people. (Again; why do I care so much, then?)

Perhaps I will never “marry” in the sense that I could never be in the kind of marriage my friend envisions when he thinks of marriage. I will likely never promise monogamy for the remainder of my life with someone. However, I like to think that I could commit to a partnership, til-death-do-us-part, with someone who didn’t require that from me.

I mean, if I don’t, I’m sure I’ll be just as happy. . .mostly sure.

I’m going to elect to recognize that I have not yet reached complete indifference to the question of marriage in my future, but, I’m left to wonder where this investment in the idea has come from. Have society’s expectations so deeply embedded the idea in me, or is there something more to this desire?

Time will tell.

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4 Comments

  1. I like this post. I wish you well with your further knowledge seeking and whether or not you choose marriage vice the beauty of a life partner and sluttery.
    For me though, marriage is an outdated concept that is for a section of the community only and honestly they can keep it!

    Thanks for reading me, all the best and I will drop in again sometime.

    Reply
    • Thank you! 🙂

      I definitely agree that it is for a section of the community, and the more I look at it, the more I think my attachment to the idea is based on wanting to “prove” myself and my lovestyle to those people, and that is definitely the WRONG mentality. It’s something to work on; my competitive nature has gotten me into trouble with myself more than once in the past.

      Reply
  2. To hell with the obsession with marriage.

    It is just a label to accord legal rights and save society the hassle of trying to figure whether the relationship is serious or not. People should start looking into the quality of relationships,i.e. if it’s loving, nurturing, empowering, enhancing, etc. And this can be the case even if the couple is not married.

    Reply
    • I completely agree; the quality of the relationship is so much more important than the labels people use to try and define it. What’s more, the label of “marriage” hardly even does the job anymore, since it now means so many different things to different people. I know people who are “married” but, it’s a business partnership with little love. . .but that is marriage for them and what they wanted. I think I’m thinking, though, “why not marry, if I can make it whatever I want it to be, anyway?”

      Reply

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